slams his fists down on his Target-bought dining room table, $29.99 after July 4th sale. The 4 plates full of food cooked by his wife rattle and his children jump at the sudden sound. He looks from person to person, his jaw muscle working. His son, Michael, his daughter, Sarah, his wife, Carol. He looks down into his plate and speaks. “How come none of you have come out into the garage and admired my newly acquired Marshall half-stack? How come none of you have complimented me on my Sublime-inspired (Bradley Nowell RIP) guitar licks? Sometimes I feel I don’t exist.” He gets up from the table and goes into the attached garage. Another dinner ruined.
Please leave your message after the tone
[beep]
ERIC IT’S BEN ERIC I PICK UP I GOT ARRESTED FOR DOING CROTCH CHOPS AT THE PRESIDENT I NEED YOU TO GO UNDER MY BED AND GRAB THE JAR LABELED “JAIL MONEY” AND BRING IT DOWN TO THE COUNTY COURTHOUSE PLEASE MAN THE COP’S KEEP TELLING ME THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS LIKE IN OBAMA’S AMERICA.
ALSO DON’T TOUCH ANY OF THE OTHER JARS LABELED “TRIP MONEY” THAT’S FOR MY TRIP TO NIPPON (JAPAN)
“The Anthro Version of the Who’s “Who’s Next” They are finaly here everyone THE WOLF Tracks 1. Puppy O’Riley 2. Sale 3. Love Aint’t for licking 4. My Pup 5. The Howls Over 6. Getting the Howl 7. Going Hunting 8. Behind yellow eyes 9. Won’t get shot at again!”
WHY I CAN NEVER BE VEGAN. YOU VEGANS WILL NEVER KNOW THE GLORIOUSNESS OF A GOOD PIECE OF MANCHEGO OR ENGLISH CHEDDAR OR COMTÉ. I PITY YOUR SOULS. I’m all about the animals and whatnot, but please don’t tell me that cheese is inhumane — because not milking the cows puts the cows through more agony from having filled udders anyway. SO THERE.
haha yeah my soul’s gettin’ pitied cuz i’ve ~~never tasted a cheez~~
and she’s right! breeding cows to lactate constantly DOES create a situation where they need us to milk them to survive! weird!
but please katbeee, keep going. we vegans have given up cheese for reasons that have nothing to do with the inefficiencies and/or cruelties of a system and everything to do with how good a thing tastes, and we need your pity to fill that void.
Thgjis is why i stopped talking about other people’s diets, because you end up sounding like a mouth breathing adult baby like that katbeee
A Sad thing would be
Sending your mom a link to a blog post where you’ve posted heartfelt mom poems and cool Minecraft “Happy Mother’s Day!” sculptures but she never reads them because she’s a skeleton you’ve kept in your basement after she denied you snacks after 7 P.M.
Happy Mother’s day.
This time, you go long!
*tosses football to someone offscreen*
Haha…
*faces camera*
Hey, remember the 90s?
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*face turns from jovial to stern*
Because it’s illegal not to.
replace all instances of “rough boys” with “dan heed” and you’ll see how i feel!!! catch ya later!!
My dad
Used to play got your nose with me when I was four, but he would get real close to my face and say “Yeah, that’s right. I can take whatever the fuck I want from you when I want, even your nose. Remember that.” And I did, this why I believe I would be the best teacher at Sunnyvale Day Care.
