July 2011
1 post
Suburban Dad
slams his fists down on his Target-bought dining room table, $29.99 after July 4th sale. The 4 plates full of food cooked by his wife rattle and his children jump at the sudden sound. He looks from person to person, his jaw muscle working. His son, Michael, his daughter, Sarah, his wife, Carol. He looks down into his plate and speaks. “How come none of you have come out into the garage and...
May 2011
9 posts
Please leave your message after the tone
[beep]
ERIC IT’S BEN ERIC I PICK UP I GOT ARRESTED FOR DOING CROTCH CHOPS AT THE PRESIDENT I NEED YOU TO GO UNDER MY BED AND GRAB THE JAR LABELED “JAIL MONEY” AND BRING IT DOWN TO THE COUNTY COURTHOUSE PLEASE MAN THE COP’S KEEP TELLING ME THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS LIKE IN OBAMA’S AMERICA.
ALSO DON’T TOUCH ANY OF THE OTHER JARS LABELED “TRIP MONEY”...
:|
http://90pounds.tumblr.com/
I dont want to get care on here
But i really love talking about fad diets yall
someone said vegan cheese is gross →
awizardharry:
katbeee:
WHY I CAN NEVER BE VEGAN. YOU VEGANS WILL NEVER KNOW THE GLORIOUSNESS OF A GOOD PIECE OF MANCHEGO OR ENGLISH CHEDDAR OR COMTÉ. I PITY YOUR SOULS. I’m all about the animals and whatnot, but please don’t tell me that cheese is inhumane — because not milking the cows puts the cows through more agony from having filled udders anyway. SO THERE.
haha yeah my soul’s gettin’...
A Sad thing would be
Sending your mom a link to a blog post where you’ve posted heartfelt mom poems and cool Minecraft “Happy Mother’s Day!” sculptures but she never reads them because she’s a skeleton you’ve kept in your basement after she denied you snacks after 7 P.M.
Happy Mother’s day.
This time, you go long!
*tosses football to someone offscreen*
Haha…
*faces camera*
Hey, remember the 90s?
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*face turns from jovial to stern*
Because it’s illegal not to.
My dad
Used to play got your nose with me when I was four, but he would get real close to my face and say “Yeah, that’s right. I can take whatever the fuck I want from you when I want, even your nose. Remember that.” And I did, this why I believe I would be the best teacher at Sunnyvale Day Care.
April 2011
1 post
voraciousbunnies-deactivated201 asked: what's the best college for hanging out with friends?
March 2011
5 posts
1 tag
which 1 should i get
same price. help????
I saw a man today.
On the train. He was short, nervous. His arms were stuffed with papers and he shifted them constantly to check his watch. Two Teen Guards watched him. They came over to him, teased him about his hair and glasses, shoved him up against the glass of the train, spilling his papers, beat him with their clubs. The train crowd moved away from the scene. I picked up one of his papers. It was a picture of...
A dawning of a new age.
After increased pressure from a surprisingly older audience, Dreamworks announced earlier today that Shrek 5 will feature Shrek in a different light.
lou_reed_kissing_david_bowie.png
leafdude-deactivated20110909 asked: wow theis is aomng the best egg themed tumblrs I have seen today.
February 2011
9 posts
Welcome, my tongue, welcome to this ice cream.
If you love "her" so much then why don't you marry...
Dearest Mother
I hope you are well. I am writing to tell you that I am not well. I hate it here in Philadelphia, and all the other delegates make fun of me constantly, especially Thomas. Just the other day, he grabbed my wool coat tails, pulled them over my head and exclaimed “Say ‘I love the Tyrant King George and kiss the painting I have of him under my bed!’” and I had to, for fear of...
Have you been hurt in a car accident?
Any kind of car accident, rear-ending, side panel, head on, call me and I will come pick you up. Call anytime, day or night, and I will come get you. We all need to get to work! I have low rates and a nice 1998 Ford Escort hatchback so there is room for your children who were in the accident. No need to put your life on hold for an accident. There is one problem, I have a small Pomeranian that I...
Wow, want some tortellini with that garnish?...
Haven’t been invited back out with friends to the Olive Garden since uttering these words.
4 tags
Daniel, I want you to look at me.
“There’s a game going on, man.”
“I just wanted to ask you where you think it is we go when we die.”
“Seriously the ball has hit you in the back 4 times”
“I think wherever it may be, it will be warm.”
2 tags
Jose There Are No Pitchers In The Desert
What are you swinging at. Jeans are far too constricting for batting.
Jose pulls a water bottle out of his bag, dumps it in the sand and forms a clumpy sand ball. He chucks it up and takes a mighty swing. The largest rocks from the sand ball fly off about 30 feet. He shoulders his bat and sighs. “summer trip 2 the gobi goin well, tried out for a local baseball team lol” he tweets.
1 tag
32 Genders
Dad’s description of them too heavy for young daughter, mother scolds.
1 tag
Baseball.
Baseball